Benjamin Button Syndrome…

I was never the kind of kid who played with toys. In fact, the first ‘toy’ I selected on my first visit to the toy store was a puzzle book. So yes, I have always been a bit of a nerd. My childhood memories of playtime involved playing scrabble and being really annoyed by others who would not have the patience to finish the game or playing teacher to my little brother and making him do sums until he would throw something at me and leave.

But lately I have been feeling more and more like a child. I got my first soft toy when I left for uni and find myself sometimes unable to sleep without it. It’s a small black and white fluffy cow named ‘cowwa’. I have also come up with a bucket list of childhood things that I have never done and I try to complete as many of them as I possibly could without attracting too much scrutiny. So last week I danced like crazy in the rain and snuck into a children’s park to celebrate submitting my PhD proposal.  I went on the swings, monkey bar and that swirly thingy that I have never seen before. Sadly, the slides were way too small. Come to think of it, I am glad I did not get arrested because I am pretty sure children’s parks have age limits. I suppose calling them ‘children’s playgrounds’ is somewhat self-explanatory!

All of this had me wondering if I have a condition psychologically similar to Benjamin Button. In my case, probably not. Perhaps ticking the next item off my bucket list might convince my family to pick up the phone book and look up a psychologist’s contact details. I want to start drinking off a toddler bottle simply because as far as I can remember, I always drank off adult cups without even a hint of a cartoon picture. A quick search on google however proved that there are adults who grow up and suddenly find out that they are suffering from age reversing syndromes. The case of two British bothers, one who has a teenage daughter and the other a gunner in the RAF was particularly saddening. They now have a mental age similar to 10 year olds and require around the clock care.

So to prove you (and mostly myself) that I will not get too obsessed and break into a kindergarten, I have decided to advocate for constructing adult playgrounds. New York installed its first adult playground in June last year and hopefully it will become a catchy trend. I am not talking about outdoor gyms or spaces for orgies. I am talking about places where adults could go and relive their childhood fantasies. Go crazy on the swings, have water fights, sing, laugh, play and rejuvenate!

To be me or not to be me: It’s more than just a question…

 

‘People…go through their lives in a sort of coarse comfort, like petted animals, without ever realizing that they are probably thinking other people’s thoughts, living by other people’s standards, wearing practically what one may call other people’s second hand clothes, and never being themselves for a single moment’. -Oscar Wilde-

I am guilty of pretence in the face of conformity. It probably began with my infantile amused giggles as some adult played peek-a-boo with me, pretending to hide their face with the hands and then reappearing as if they’ve performed one amazing magic trick. Today I tend to do that to almost any baby that I come across and yes; it’s a perfectly ‘acceptable’ thing to do. Had I done that with every grown person I’ve met I would probably be locked up in an institution somewhere.

But don’t these babies really know that I am right there only ‘pretending to hide’? So why do they still laugh? And why the hell do I do that to them? I suppose it’s the same with all the everyday acts of my somewhat more ‘serious’ adult life. I sometimes laugh at jokes that I don’t really get in the first place. I’m guilty of asking how someone is and then completely mentally switching off when they reply. I’ve pretended to not watch cheesy Bollywood films when the truth is that I am a sucker for unrealistic romance. I’ve pretended to like animated movies even though squeaky talking mice irritate the hell out of me! And speaking of hell, I was once forced to get drunk and I spent the night out creeping into the bathroom and secretly emptying half of each drink or trying to throw up the tequila shots. I cannot drink and nor do I really enjoy drinking except for the occasional sweet cocktails. Yet I’ve still faked a blameworthy penchant for alcohol a few times simply to be ‘one of the crowd’. Come to think of it haven’t we all pretended to be someone we are not at some point?

And then there was this guy….oh yes the moment when you fall for someone and you try to convince yourself that it is a match made in heaven!! I persuaded myself to listen to the same kind of music he was into and even train myself to love the sport Cricket! My Sinhala language competency vastly improved simply from facebook-stalking him! I practically brainwashed myself to like everything that he liked. And guess what? There comes a point that you can lie to yourself so much that you actually start living it. I realized soon that I was falling more in love with cricket and music than him. They now play a significant role in my life. As for the guy, who knows where he is now!

But I am afraid that this boundary between what I truly love and what I pretend to love would soon be blurred. For some things you want to change in your life, a ‘fake it till you make it’ attitude sounds promising. Go ahead and try it! Fake confidence and you will eventually become more confident but don’t fake something like an aptitude for swimming because the chances are you will probably drown before you make it. So what if I truly become everything I pretend to be? Andre Berthiaume once said ‘We all wear masks and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin’. Perhaps plastic surgery ought to do the trick…

I’m into Marijuana smoking Cockroaches…

La cucaracha, la cucaracha,	The cockroach, the cockroach,
ya no puede caminar	can’t walk anymore
porque le falta, porque no tiene	because it’s lacking, because it doesn’t have
marihuana pa’ fumar.	Marijuna to smoke

I love catchy tunes and often find my self in situations where I sing without reflecting much about the lyrics. It started somewhere around the time when we were kids and my brother and I performed ‘honey caught me red-handed sleeping with the girl next door’ on a family trip. (I still remember the mortified looks of the adults!). I’ve had ‘Tempted to Touch’ blast out as my ringtone, driven to the tune of ‘I wanna make love right now now now’ while giving a ride to a very conservative teacher and recently been caught off-guard humming ‘I kissed a girl and I like it, hope my boyfriend don’t mind it’. All these times, not once did I actually pay attention to the meaning of the songs until someone gave me very judgmental stares!

The most embarrassing case however was when I declared to a couple of guys I just met that this beautiful Sri Lankan tune as being one of the favourites of both my mother and I. Only when they explained the meaning did I realize how inappropriate that must have sounded! The thing with this Sri Lankan song was that it contained such graphic meaning in very seemingly innocent words. So lately, I’ve begun to over analyze lyrics so as not to embarrass myself and made some pretty amazing discoveries.

La cucaracha was a term originally used to refer to General Pancho Villa’s car and later used during the Mexican Revolution to talk about Victoranio Huerta, the dictatorial Mexican President who was said to live only to satisfy his addiction to weed. The lyrics changed according to one’s political/personal beliefs with witty improvisations such as:

Cuando uno quiere a una	When a man loves a woman
y esta una no lo quiere,	but she doesn’t love him back,
es lo mismo que si un calvo	it’s like a bald man
en la calle encuentra un peine.	finding a comb in the street.

But alas when I found a dead cockroach in our bathroom yesterday, I couldn’t help myself but to pick it up and sing La cucaracha only to find my Chilean roommate stare at me with the most baffled expression. I guess it’s time to sing ‘I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired’.

For the love of Miroslav Klose…

Football fever was full on when a couple of us touring Scotland decided to head out on a pub-crawl around Edinburgh. Despite the chilly exterior, the cozy wooden pubs, now decorated in an array of flags to celebrate the FIFA world cup was surprisingly hot. Perhaps it was the constant flow of Jello Shots, Fosters and JDs that was keeping everyone warm and transforming their faces towards an ever-increasing shade of rouge.

In a corner, avid football fans were bellowing cries of mostly outrage as Germany scored their third goal against England. England’s hope of claiming the 2010 World Cup was almost over. Seeing me all engrossed in the match, my German tour buddy of a week’s acquaintance who was seated opposite to me, decided to talk footy with me. Yet another beer in hand, he was performing a victory dance and asked me who my favourite German player was. Excited to have finally met another football fan among our not so football crazy group, I gave his question some careful consideration. Should I say Ballack, Schweinsteiger, Podolski or Klose?

Finally, I replied, ‘Klose’.

‘Whaaat??’ was his reaction.

I screamed over the deafening pub noise, ‘TONIGHT I THINK I LIKE KLOSE THE BEST’

Completely misunderstanding what I said, he got up from his chair, sat right beside me with a hazy grin before putting his arm around me and replied, ‘ I LIKE IT ‘CLOSER’ TOO”.

I spent the rest of my tour running away from him.

Reflections on a Semester in the UK

Yesterday, I had to do an assignment on the concept of a multiplex city. I read that it was ‘a juxtaposition of contradictions and diversities; the theatre of life itself’. I thought to myself, this was what I was facing right now. I may not come from a rural jungle, yet, for the next three years, I was in for a novel first world experience; something that was equally exciting and terrifying.

My first few weeks were far from enjoyable. I missed home, I dreaded the cold, I was desperately in need of light therapy and I certainly missed my ‘land of smiles’.

Gradually though, I got accustomed to life here. The skies cleared and I was able to see the UK in a whole new light. Through my university’s international programme, I was able to explore several UK cities. And yes, the culture and history that UK has to offer is simple remarkable. I kept wishing I’ve chosen to study in Bath, Portsmouth, and London; basically every part of England that I visited was equally enticing.

Something about life in the UK that I have to emphasize is that one could never get bored in a place like this. As for me, I am eternally stuck between choices. This is why I signed up for about ten different clubs during fresher’s week. I’ve attended Mexican nights, Indian parties and Chinese dinners. Learned to eat with chopsticks (well, at least I tried!), and managed to amuse my friends back home with tricks I learned from the magic society!

I’ve learnt and come to appreciate the concept of punctuality and to my parents’ relief, become rather disciplined as far as expenditure is concerned! Living in a foreign country by myself has given me the confidence and independence that they’ve always wanted for me.

Regardless of the colossal pints of alcohol consumed by my peers, I’ve realized that people throughout the world have similar expectations, fears and aspirations. Besides, I have made some amazing friends in the past three months. My biggest achievement in the United Kingdom thus so far has been my ability to overlook cultural stereotypes and accept all kinds of people simply for who they are: just people!

I may not have experienced much in my first semester in this country but I’m positive that in the coming few years there would be plenty for me to give and take from this country. As for now, I am proud of what I’ve become. I mean, at least I’ve learned to cross the road properly!

Chick Fights

 

‘’Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face’’.

Lately, my sentiments seem to mirror the above quote about a certain someone. And the problem is, like the picture, I am adopting a passive aggressive path, complaining of non-existent illnesses and coming up with a million excuses when all I want to do is lift her up and just throw her out of view. Ok so maybe I watched too much of Popeye as a kid but suddenly I feel empathetic towards certain wife-murdering husbands. If being her friend for one month drove me to contemplate murder (ok maybe I’m exaggerating here…or on second thought NOT), no wonder some people snap and commit sins!

I have never seen such a clingy, chatty, hyperactive, self-centred airheaded bitch who has absolutely no sense of giving someone else personal space! Today she visited me and didn’t leave til midnight. Fiddled with nearly all my personal belongings, all while being two inches off my face. After numerous polite attempts to get her to leave, I left pretending to be late for a midnight rendez-vous and snuck back to my own room! The downside of living in university halls!

Minutes later, she calls and my phone rings loudly. She continues to ring my phone seven more times, nonstop!!  When I saw her the next day, she asks why I didn’t pick up the phone….I sweetly say, ‘oh sorry I had my headset on so must have not heard you’. So typing this now, I don’t know what I’m more disgusted by: her pestering behavior or my deplorable two-faced politeness? So tomorrow I will be a better person. Tomorrow I will punch her in the face.

 

 

Lessons Learnt from Taylor Swift and Nokia Phones

My Cousin quoting Taylor Swift: ‘’We should love, not fall in love because everything that falls gets broken’’.

Her friend: Looks like you’ve never dropped an old Nokia phone to the ground.

 Old Nokia phones are the best phones ever. Fact. I’ve dropped my 3315 a zillion times from tabletops, moving vehicles and even from a ceiling fan (yes I have some very tall annoying friends!). It has that awesome game called ‘snake’ and is the least likely of my treasured possessions to ever get stolen! So should I really switch from my ever so reliable Nokia to a flimsy smartphone?

Everytime someone breaks up with Taylor Swift, she comes up with a chart topper. The time some actress stole her then boyfriend she wrote a song about her which again went out to become very popular. She basically earns billions from heartbreak! So should she really stop taking the risk of getting a broken heart?

Pierre Corneille once said, ‘ to win without risk is to triumph without glory’. Play it safe and you will lead an ordinary life but take a few risks and you are bound to have an adventure! The fine line between how much and too much (whether it’s taking risk, eating chocolates or anything for that matter) is a whole other story. So for the time being, goodbye Nokia, hello Blackberry!